Amanda Grell

I've been writing again. I don't know what's come over me, but I'm enjoying this feeling of creating again. Last time I wrote this much was my senior year of high school into my freshman year of college. I guess its because I have more time for it now. That or a yearning to express myself through words. Because unlike my past jobs, this one just pretty much has me silent. I rarely talk (which is unusual). So I guess because of my lack of talking and connecting with people and sharing my ideas/opinions, I'm writing them down instead. But lately my poems (if you can even call them that) have been very intimate/sexual, which is new. I'm just going to interpret them as me trying to connect with other people, but instead of doing it in person, its on paper. Pathetic that my life can be reduced to just bits of paper scattered haphazardly around me. Ah well. Here is one such pathetic poem that shows me trying to suppress my intimacy.

Howdy to my fellow artists, dreamers, collectors of unusual items and or just random people. Let me introduce myself. My name is Amanda Grell (as if you didn't know that already), and I am a recent college grad from a private college, which I personally feel did not give me an adequate education concerning my field, and all I have to show for it is a piece of paper that cost me about $100K. I'm a tad bit bitter. So instead of living the glamourous life I envisioned for myself of being a wedding/portrait photographer. I am now currently a warehouse stocker at a car parts warehouse for the time being (just to pay my bills, I SWEAR!) until I can go back to school and actually LEARN a thing or two about commercial photography. But until I get myself situated with finding an apartment and paying my student loans and other various bills, I'm kinda out of other options of getting income coming in. At least I'm lucky enough to HAVE a job. I feel sad about my situation though. I have barely touched my camera to photograph. I just don't have the energy or time anymore lately. I feel like I'm letting my parents down. Although, I have recently been making my own jewelry to satiate my thirst for making art. I really enjoy making jewelry. I always wear unusual necklaces or earrings (its kinda my thing, its what makes me stand out) so the fact that I can create my own to either sell or to wear is exhilarating!