Amanda Grell

Yet again, it has been awhile, but sadly not much has been eventful in my life. Still working the crap job and the hellhole. Still dating my wonderful boy.

Last weekend John and I went camping with my brother and a co-worker at Warwick Woods. It was good to just get out in the fresh air, with no worries, just relaxing by the fire and drinking beer and roasting marshmallows and talking. Definitely needed it.

It’s October, my favorite month! I smell the wood-burning stoves and the fresh crispness in the air, watching the leaves slowly change to vibrant colors. Its exhilarating, watching life and nature become more lively when they’re dying than when they are truly alive. I wonder if that concept can be relayed to humans. Are we more lively when we near death, most people will disagree and say ‘No’, but besides our failing health, we have the ability to do what we want. We don’t have a job to worry about, we’re free, but that freedom comes a speed bump. But even in that there’s a silver lining, we’re slower because we are MEANT to enjoy the freedom and revel in the culture of the world.

Eh, I’m mindlessly musing here. I miss the college life. That’s the downside of this job, I don’t push my thinking boundary. It doesn’t push me, I want to go back to school and get my Master’s in Art Education so that I can teach photography to college students. Its just a matter of timing and money (as is usually the case).

Higher Than Hope

We used to swim the same moonlight waters
Oceans away from the wakeful day

My fall will be for you
My love will be in you
If you be the one to cut me
I’ll bleed forever.

Scent of the sea before the waking of the world
Brings me to thee
Into the blue memory

I love me some eskimo kisses just as much as normal kisses. I’m so happy right now, you have no idea. I’ve had a smile on my face for the past 3 days. I love this feeling. I feel lighter than air. This boy is making me crazy and happy in such a good way. I hope he feels the same way. He told me he has been smiling for 3 days as well. His friends are even commenting on it. By the way, its totally about Short Hat Guy Who Works On Other Side. He makes me feel this.

I've been writing again. I don't know what's come over me, but I'm enjoying this feeling of creating again. Last time I wrote this much was my senior year of high school into my freshman year of college. I guess its because I have more time for it now. That or a yearning to express myself through words. Because unlike my past jobs, this one just pretty much has me silent. I rarely talk (which is unusual). So I guess because of my lack of talking and connecting with people and sharing my ideas/opinions, I'm writing them down instead. But lately my poems (if you can even call them that) have been very intimate/sexual, which is new. I'm just going to interpret them as me trying to connect with other people, but instead of doing it in person, its on paper. Pathetic that my life can be reduced to just bits of paper scattered haphazardly around me. Ah well. Here is one such pathetic poem that shows me trying to suppress my intimacy.

Howdy to my fellow artists, dreamers, collectors of unusual items and or just random people. Let me introduce myself. My name is Amanda Grell (as if you didn't know that already), and I am a recent college grad from a private college, which I personally feel did not give me an adequate education concerning my field, and all I have to show for it is a piece of paper that cost me about $100K. I'm a tad bit bitter. So instead of living the glamourous life I envisioned for myself of being a wedding/portrait photographer. I am now currently a warehouse stocker at a car parts warehouse for the time being (just to pay my bills, I SWEAR!) until I can go back to school and actually LEARN a thing or two about commercial photography. But until I get myself situated with finding an apartment and paying my student loans and other various bills, I'm kinda out of other options of getting income coming in. At least I'm lucky enough to HAVE a job. I feel sad about my situation though. I have barely touched my camera to photograph. I just don't have the energy or time anymore lately. I feel like I'm letting my parents down. Although, I have recently been making my own jewelry to satiate my thirst for making art. I really enjoy making jewelry. I always wear unusual necklaces or earrings (its kinda my thing, its what makes me stand out) so the fact that I can create my own to either sell or to wear is exhilarating!