Higher Than Hope

Yet again, it has been awhile, but sadly not much has been eventful in my life. Still working the crap job and the hellhole. Still dating my wonderful boy.

Last weekend John and I went camping with my brother and a co-worker at Warwick Woods. It was good to just get out in the fresh air, with no worries, just relaxing by the fire and drinking beer and roasting marshmallows and talking. Definitely needed it.

It’s October, my favorite month! I smell the wood-burning stoves and the fresh crispness in the air, watching the leaves slowly change to vibrant colors. Its exhilarating, watching life and nature become more lively when they’re dying than when they are truly alive. I wonder if that concept can be relayed to humans. Are we more lively when we near death, most people will disagree and say ‘No’, but besides our failing health, we have the ability to do what we want. We don’t have a job to worry about, we’re free, but that freedom comes a speed bump. But even in that there’s a silver lining, we’re slower because we are MEANT to enjoy the freedom and revel in the culture of the world.

Eh, I’m mindlessly musing here. I miss the college life. That’s the downside of this job, I don’t push my thinking boundary. It doesn’t push me, I want to go back to school and get my Master’s in Art Education so that I can teach photography to college students. Its just a matter of timing and money (as is usually the case).



Higher Than Hope

We used to swim the same moonlight waters
Oceans away from the wakeful day

My fall will be for you
My love will be in you

If you be the one to cut me

I’ll bleed forever.

Scent of the sea before the waking of the world
Brings me to thee

Into the blue memory

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Holy Crapola Batman!!


Forgive me!! I shame you all for not being as active on here as I’d like!! But a CRAPLOAD of stuff has happened to me in the past 3-4 months!! Still dating my wonderful guy John! However, apart from me being in my lovey-dovey happy bubble, I’ve gotten a new tattoo, moved out of my parents house and into my very own apartment with my bro and John, lost some weight, still white as can be, and have been attending mucho grad parties/flyers parties/reunions. Crazy busy. But I still have the headache of unpacking some boxes (of stuff that I don’t even know WHERE to put!!)

My new tattoo on my left forearm. The text is "I regret nothing" in French, my fave song by Edith Piaf.

The only thing I haven’t been really busy with is my photography. :) Which I’m extremely sad about, but it doesn’t help that I don’t have photoshop anymore (since I got a new computer) and that my printer/scanner isn’t compatible with my Mac, not to mention that it doesn’t scan film negatives. And I really don’t have the money to just go and buy whatever anymore.

In the beginning of the month I had scheduled vacation time. The fam and I drove down to Nashville, Tennessee for a family reunion (John wasn't able to go since he was in his best friend's wedding). It was great seeing everyone, even went to an exhibit with my mom to see one of my favorite modern artists, Dale Chihuly and his glasswork. Such an amazing place to view his work. It was at the Cheekwood Botanical Gardens. So this place had me clicking away with some very potential photographs. :)

Anyway, other than all of that, pretty much my life has been basic. Filled with the usual… Work, pay bills, eat, sleep, hang with my man, see the family, hang with my lovely ladies. Just enjoying life as much as possible with the little amount of money I have.

This past weekend, I worked on some earrings. It was great working with my hands again! I've missed it.


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A Heavy Heart

these past few weeks have been amazing! Hanging out with the boy as much as possible at work and at each of our houses. Getting to know each other and quickly understanding each other’s quirks. I love his silliness.

However last week I learned that one of my favorite photography professor and mentor, Judith Taylor, passed away. Everybody was shocked about it. She was so full of life and all my memories of her are of her laughing and being so enthusiastic about art, photography, and the Phillies. She changed my life. Her work was so beautiful. She mostly created photograms with natural items. Please check out her website here. She will be greatly missed at Arcadia University. Its sad to say that me and my fellow seniors of '09 were her last thesis class ever, and its a shame that the current seniors never got to appreciate her insight.




In Memory of Judy Taylor


"two birds, one black, one white, heading in opposite directions" by Judith Taylor




detail of "two birds, one black, one white, heading in opposite directions"




"mgh: window #2, east side (boston ivy)" from green house installation project at Eastern State Penitentiary



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Eskimo Kisses

I love me some eskimo kisses just as much as normal kisses. I’m so happy right now, you have no idea. I’ve had a smile on my face for the past 3 days. I love this feeling. I feel lighter than air. This boy is making me crazy and happy in such a good way. I hope he feels the same way. He told me he has been smiling for 3 days as well. His friends are even commenting on it. By the way, its totally about Short Hat Guy Who Works On Other Side. He makes me feel this.

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Sweet Ecstasy

I've been writing again. I don't know what's come over me, but I'm enjoying this feeling of creating again. Last time I wrote this much was my senior year of high school into my freshman year of college. I guess its because I have more time for it now. That or a yearning to express myself through words. Because unlike my past jobs, this one just pretty much has me silent. I rarely talk (which is unusual). So I guess because of my lack of talking and connecting with people and sharing my ideas/opinions, I'm writing them down instead. But lately my poems (if you can even call them that) have been very intimate/sexual, which is new. I'm just going to interpret them as me trying to connect with other people, but instead of doing it in person, its on paper. Pathetic that my life can be reduced to just bits of paper scattered haphazardly around me. Ah well. Here is one such pathetic poem that shows me trying to suppress my intimacy.




A lingering touch. A trail of ecstasy. Heat rising.
No thinking. Just actions.

Don't falter. Hush your worries. Just touch.
Can't hurt me. Won't hurt me.

Hearts pounding. Each embrace yearning for the next. Whispers throughout the night.
Can't sleep. Won't sleep.



Sweet ecstasy.

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Bonjour!

Howdy to my fellow artists, dreamers, collectors of unusual items and or just random people. Let me introduce myself. My name is Amanda Grell (as if you didn't know that already), and I am a recent college grad from a private college, which I personally feel did not give me an adequate education concerning my field, and all I have to show for it is a piece of paper that cost me about $100K. I'm a tad bit bitter. So instead of living the glamourous life I envisioned for myself of being a wedding/portrait photographer. I am now currently a warehouse stocker at a car parts warehouse for the time being (just to pay my bills, I SWEAR!) until I can go back to school and actually LEARN a thing or two about commercial photography. But until I get myself situated with finding an apartment and paying my student loans and other various bills, I'm kinda out of other options of getting income coming in. At least I'm lucky enough to HAVE a job. I feel sad about my situation though. I have barely touched my camera to photograph. I just don't have the energy or time anymore lately. I feel like I'm letting my parents down. Although, I have recently been making my own jewelry to satiate my thirst for making art. I really enjoy making jewelry. I always wear unusual necklaces or earrings (its kinda my thing, its what makes me stand out) so the fact that I can create my own to either sell or to wear is exhilarating!


Ah well. I guess its just a continuation of sketching ideas and saving up for some more courses.

Sweet dreams my friends!

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